Sleep, reading, and other things.

My apolgies for not updating recently. The last few weeks have been busy to be sure, but I've really not had a terrible lot to write about. The last few nights I've had bronchitis and the hacking cough as allowed me little more than 3 hours of sleep each night. The Robotussin with Codine my Dad prescribed today knocked me out today and has been feeling somewhat better this afternoon. Most of you who read this know of my absolute love of reading. Some of you I've talked with about one of my favorite Science Fiction series, The Honor Harrington books by David Weber. Tuesday, the newest book in the 11 book series was released. I read some of it, but I was forced to put it down to write a paper for one of my classes and work on a large bout of homework due Friday. However, I just finished the book this afternoon. One of the things I love about series books, is that the characters not only have the entire novel to grow and get in your head, but literally thousands of pages to do so. I know it may be overly emotional to say so, but when these characters die, it can really make an impact on me. I experienced it this summer when reading that Dumbledore dies in the Half-blood Prince, and I experienced it again today when I read that SO many characters that I'd grown to know and cherish died in a massive battle. Including one that was introduced literally five pages into the first Honor Harrington novel. Remarkably this feeling touches the lonilieness that resides at the core of my soul. Not a lonilieness that comes from not knowing God, because by and large that lonilieness has left me over the past six months or so. Many things I once doubted, I realize that I no longer do. No, this lonilieness comes from knowing that I've never truly loved anyone, and its so hard to find someone that I think I could love. For me, its not a matter of seeing that person every single day, its knowing that I think about that person every day, and they would think of me. I realize this is a very hard concept in practice, but I know, in my heart that that is what I seek, at the least.

My friend Chad and I talk about how sometimes emotions go up and down, and how the two of us are fairly stable emotionally. He is moreso than I, but even so, my emotions rarely change the outward appearance of who I am. When they do, it's always a negative effect. Very much I feel like a rock onto which some of my friends cling to emotionally. Many more times than once have people come to me to talk about how they feel, and how their lives are affected by whom they love. I guide, and i comfort, but I know that I have no first hand experience with which to help them. I pray every night for the strength to help them, and the chance to meet someone to love. In the meantime, I feel that my horizon's broaden with every book i read, with every word i see, and with every prayer I share with my Lord. So I end with the words to one of my favorite holy songs, taken from psalm 119.

Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet,
and a light unto my path.

And when i feel afraid
think i've lost my way.
There You stand, right beside me.
And nothing will I fear,
so long as You are near,
You are with me, to the end!

-Paul